I have been an administrator for 6 years now. As Assistant Principal and as Principal I have made countless decisions that have had positive impacts on students, staff members, community leaders, and parents. I have also made countless decisions that have led to high student growth, high student engagement, and high teacher moral. This post is not about any of those decisions.
I once made a teacher move her entire classroom to the room next door. I made the decision for cohesiveness; I believed the team needed to be beside each other in adjoining rooms. I remember, vividly, watching her and her husband move furniture from one room to the other. I remember, vividly, thinking “This is the right thing to do.”
A couple of weeks later that teacher stood at my door. I said, “I’m really sorry, this is my fault, I will rectify this as quickly as possible.” The look on my colleague’s face has prompted this post.
Leaders make decisions all day, every day. Some are thought out, analyzed, and evidence based. Others are gut-driven while some happen so fast we don’t have time to process every detail. None of these things are bad; we all know a decision can be over-analyzed and that data doesn’t always reflect the social and emotional goal. We also know that even the best leaders make the wrong decision.
So, what happens when leaders are wrong...
We begin with FINGER POINTING: we say, "the teacher didn’t complain or give me additional information."
Then we say “it’s not my fault” ... wrong again.
We try to MAKE IT A SYSTEM ISSUE: we say, "the kids, the administration, the state." Nope, nice try!
Or we blame our lack of a CRYSTAL BALL: “I could never have known that." Well, maybe, or maybe not.
Why do people have such a difficult time apologizing and truly accepting responsibility for bad decisions? I don’t have the answer to this question. I’m sure there are some psychologists out there who could go on for days. I can tell you, for me as a leader, learning to say "I’m sorry" was one of the most empowering moments of my career. It allowed me to be vulnerable to the people I am leading. It allowed them to see that I understand I don’t always get it right. It allowed them to see that I am constantly reflecting on the decisions that I make. It allowed them to see me as a person, not just a position. Being a leader means making mistakes, and owning mistakes builds respect, trust, and collaboration.
It wasn’t easy for me to admit I was wrong to the people I am supposed to be leading. I was scared to death that admitting I got it wrong would open a floodgate of people questioning my every decision. I was scared it would give the teachers ammo to question me, relentlessly, when I made a decision that was not popular.
I am here to tell you that none of that happen. In fact, it was the opposite. It opened a floodgate of conversation, collaboration, trust, and respect. It brought the entire staff together. It starts with modeling. Every person in that building saw that it was okay to be wrong, and furthermore, to openly admit it. They say that a bad decision leads to reflection and reflection leads to growth.
Learning to apologize for poor decisions was one of the biggest turning points in my leadership career. It was more about realizing that leaders, no matter how good the intentions, don’t always get it right. It was also about really becoming a family with the ones you lead. It is okay to get it wrong, and once they see that, they feel that same way. I have watched teachers build much deeper relationships with children, parents, and other staff members because they are able to own their mistakes.
If you are a leader in any capacity, you will make mistakes. I challenge you to use the power of owning those mistakes to build a culture rooted in honesty, respect, and trust!
Donald Wyatt is the principal of Sedge Garden Elementary School in Kernersville, North Carolina. You can find him on Twitter @donaldgwyatt.
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